The Calends of Decem
by sapereaude13
Summary: At the very least, AlCid would probably not kill him. Maybe it would be a good life lesson for him to cool his heels in a prison for a year. Or twenty. BalthierAshe. Postgame oneshot.


The Queen looked up from the papers in front of her to see the blue-tinted armor of the Rozarrian soldier.

"My lady, some more for you to review," the man remarked calmly, depositing another stack of parchment in front of her. She thanked the man and sighed noisily after his departure. She wished she'd had her best legal authorities with her, but she'd left in such haste from Rabanastre that she hadn't even thought to do so.

Al-Cid had been kind enough to send word along, but apparently the rest of his family was not feeling as gracious. Her candle was nearly burnt to the base as she worked into the wee hours of the morning. But House Margrace was being generous on account of that grain deal she'd just brokered with them after the recent famine, so she had that as her bargaining chip.

But as she looked over the nearly endless stacks of parchment, she wondered if it was even worth her time. At the very least, Al-Cid would probably not kill him. Maybe it would be a good life lesson for him to cool his heels in a prison for a year. Or twenty. She shook her head ruefully and opened the next scroll. The flowery legalese of Rozarrian documentation was beginning to give her a headache.

_By the grace of the gods, on this day the ides of Al-Bahri,_

Ashe groaned. What month was that again? The Rozarrians were always changing the names of the months, their Emperors being self-centered enough to think Ivalice revolved around them.

_It is hereby codified that for the pilfering of the most ancient tomb of the Holy Father, His Grace, The Twenty-seventh Sheik of Mercatoris Halicarnassus, Lord Everad Al-Rathwy Shakkar, holder of the Sacred Keys of Sapori Edzara Khaddem, benefactor of the Holy Cathedral of the Sacred Skies_

Ashe let her eyes skim over the next twelve lines of the document which consisted of the Holy Father's numerous titles, and got to the point of the parchment.

_The sky pirate Balthier Bunansa is hereby held fully accountable for this blasphemous, ruinous and damaging theft. If he is captured on Rozarrian soil, it is the decision of this court to beat him with the Sacred Rod of Saint Perennia El-Ferety Markhan to the tune of fourteen lashes. From thence he shall be brought to the Fortress of Khidi Al-Ashara where he shall await trial. The severest punishment shall be rendered for his crime._

The Queen bit her lip to hold in her laughter, thinking of the sky pirate getting a smack or two from a giant stick. She couldn't entirely convince herself that he didn't deserve a lashing once in a while, but this was nothing compared to the other punishments that awaited him in the other outstanding warrants. Al-Cid had assured her on her arrival that he'd merely been placed in a holding cell at the Fortress, but apparently the man who got to wield the Sacred Rod was getting a bit twitchy, and Balthier didn't have much time before he got a friendly tap from it.

She had to convince them that his crimes in Dalmasca were far more damaging and thus enough to warrant his extradition into her custody. Looking over the piles and piles of papers, Ashe wondered if she even had anything to compare. Sighing again, she leaned back in her chair and tried to think of something.

He would owe her until the end of time for this. Then it came to her. That was it! It was her leverage! Would Al-Cid, and more importantly…his irritating family buy it? She couldn't afford to make a misstep here, but the thought of a bloodied Balthier did tug at the heartstrings. Not a whole lot, but enough to launch her from the seat and out into the hallway.

"I would see his lordship as soon as possible!" she announced to the bored-looking guards that lined the halls of the Fortress. One of them nodded and headed off, and Ashe could think of nothing else to do but cross her arms and try to look royal.

She moved back into the room and picked up the next piece of parchment in the pile. He was really going to owe her this time. This was another warrant, but this one struck her eye immediately. Ashe laughed aloud at this, hoping the guards in the hall would not think her some psychotic. Of all the days to get pinched in Rozarria. Balthier was unique.

Ashe tucked the parchment in the pocket of her robe and shook her head. The news had come in the dead of the night in Rabanastre, and she'd gotten in her royal airship within fifteen minutes of Al-Cid's warning. It was still night now in Rozarria, but she didn't feel particularly regal in her pajamas and dressing gown. But she was still Queen Ashelia of Dalmasca, damn it, and she was going to win this argument.

Al-Cid Margrace strolled in, his eyes tired but his flirtatiousness alert as ever. "Ah, my lady. You have reviewed all the outstanding warrants against…your friend?" When she nodded, the Rozarrian took his leave to move forward and into her personal space. "I assume then that you still seek to extradite him?"

"Yes, he has committed grave atrocities on Dalmascan soil. I would see him handed over to my custody as soon as possible."

Margrace was still nearby, and she knew he'd only told her about Balthier's capture as an excuse to get her to visit. "Are you sure you want him…I mean, of course…are you sure Dalmasca wants such a villainous man within her borders? Surely Rozarrian justice will punish him thoroughly enough for his crimes?"

She scowled. "I would like to see the prisoner. It is Dalmascan custom that those brought into our custody know the full extent of what they will be punished for." Al-Cid frowned and sighed, but she wasn't finished. "And bring your scribes, whoever needs to be there for the turnover. I'd like to leave as soon as possible."

"As you wish, Your Highness," Margrace leered, kissing her hand. She tolerated this if it meant she would get Balthier back. That sky pirate really owed her now.

Al-Cid led her down to the Fortress' dungeon where he'd already gathered his notaries and other people necessary for such an event. She had to hold in her smile at the sorry state of the prisoner himself.

The cell was not much bigger than a closet with only a toilet and brick walls. He rested his head against the bars, his hands not gripping them very tightly. Seeing him so forlorn, Ashe realized for the very first time that they hadn't told Balthier she was there. The urge to run away was growing, and maybe it was actually sinking in that he'd robbed one Rozarrian too many. But she'd flown out in the middle of the night to save his sorry hide, so she had to go through with it now.

"The Queen of Dalmasca," one of the guards announced with some modicum of fanfare, and Ashe had never seen Balthier jolt like that before. His eyes locked with hers, and she could almost see tears of joy forming in them. If only she would change her mind and send him back into his misery. She was potentially jeopardizing her international reputation to free a bloody sky pirate.

Al-Cid stood in front of her then and eyed Balthier with suspicion. "Her Majesty wishes to extradite you." The sky pirate dared to smile at that, and Margrace cleared his throat loudly. "However, the conditions are such that she must prove that the crimes you committed on Dalmascan soil are far greater than those committed in Rozarrian territory. Only then can you be remanded to her custody." Balthier's expression went neutral then, and she raised an eyebrow.

Ashe moved to the bars and crossed her arms. "And they are far greater, my Lord Margrace. He knows what he's done."

"I do?" she heard Balthier whisper quietly, a shiver of absolute panic in his voice.

Al-Cid approached and got in her space again. "You've been reviewing his crimes, my lady. Surely not."

She frowned. "Alas, you may be right, for it is only damage of royal property and pollution of royal territory."

Margrace and his notaries began chuckling. "Forgive me, Queen Ashelia," Al-Cid drawled, "but you think to spring this pirate for littering? We've got admission of guilt for grand theft, impersonation of a cleric, impersonation of a member of court, smuggling…"

She held up a hand for silence. "Yes, I read each and every document, thank you. I know what this man has done in Rozarria. But he has permanently damaged Dalmascan territory." Balthier's head perked up slightly, but he gave no other indication that he knew where she was going with this. Ashe turned to Al-Cid and rose to her full height, which wasn't much given that she was in a dressing gown and slippers.

"You recall the Bahamut, my Lord?"

"Yes, of course, your Highness…"

"And you are aware that it was this sky pirate who crashed it into the deserts outside of Rabanastre."

"I…wait a moment…" Al-Cid stuttered, and the notaries were scribbling frantically on the parchment they'd brought. Balthier was staring at her in disbelief.

"And so," she remarked calmly, turning to look Balthier straight in the eye, "for crashing that monstrosity into my desert, he has damaged valuable Dalmascan land. Of course, one does not traditionally see the desert sand as a value, but remind yourselves of Dalmasca's key function in the world – as crossroads of the trade caravans that travel Ivalice." Al-Cid finally saw where she was going, and he crossed his arms defiantly. "By damaging my territory, he has rerouted every caravan route in the Westersand. Who knows what monetary consequence this will have for Dalmasca?"

"My lady, we can't know…"

"Those lands are under my jurisdiction. By crashing such a massive vessel into the sands, he has done far greater damage to Dalmasca than to Rozarria. And on my authority as the Queen of Dalmasca, I hereby take this man into my personal custody. And his punishment shall fit his crimes."

Balthier looked about ready to be violently ill, and Al-Cid looked utterly disappointed at this turn of events. "Very well," Al-Cid muttered, "On behalf of the great nation of Rozarria, I relinquish custody of the sky pirate Bunansa into your hands." He stomped off angrily, spending only a second or two to stamp his seal into wax and onto the parchment the notaries had prepared.

Ashe stamped her own ring into the wax and waved at the guard. "Release him. Now." The guard nodded and unlocked the cell. She stamped the parchment and turned to Balthier. "With me, pirate."

They marched solemnly through the halls of the Fortress to the aerodrome at the far end. The guards had asked if she wished for an escort, but she'd refused. Balthier was uncharacteristically silent, following at her heels like some anxious puppy.

"You're welcome," she muttered angrily, and she heard his pace quicken a bit so he was marching in line with her.

"In your nightgown, Princess?" he asked facetiously, and she whirled around to face him. Luckily, the hallway was devoid of life save for herself and Balthier.

She put as much fury into her words as she could. It helped that she hadn't gotten any sleep yet. "Yes, in my damned nightgown! You…idiot! You had me worried sick! I get an urgent message in the middle of the night that you'd been captured, and I got here as fast as I could! And Al-Cid tells me I have to compete against your years and years of outstanding warrants here and I nearly went blind reading the solid stack of them! And then I have to come up with the most ridiculous excuse in the history of existence to get you out. This will never…and I repeat, never happen again. Are we clear?"

"Clear as crystal," he replied with a wink. "And thank you." He leaned forward and captured her lips then, and she could almost feel the relief radiating from him as he held her close. His fingers tangled in her hair, and she couldn't help but respond to his way of expressing his gratitude.

Balthier dared to push her almost roughly against the stone wall and began running his hands along her robe. "You are so brilliant," he whispered against her ear. "Damage to royal property? I saved your bloody country and you spin it into disruption of your trade networks." She moaned as he kissed a trail down her neck. "Gods, I love you."

She realized that they were still standing in the Rozarrian fortress, and she shoved him away from her. "Stop it. We've got a four hour flight, Balthier." He raised his eyebrows, and she smirked. He kissed her one more time, and she broke apart first. "I missed you," she mumbled, turning away from him to walk towards the aerodrome.

He seemed proud as a peacock strutting along with her, and she frowned. "You look far too happy," she warned him. "Remember that you're a prisoner." He nodded and shuffled a bit more, a heavy pout crossing his lips. She laughed quietly, but when they reached the aerodrome, she took on a bit more of a steely expression. Her pilot was waiting when she arrived, and she nodded.

The pilot moved to the cockpit, and she took the prisoner into her cabin. Balthier settled himself into a chair, and she closed the door. She pulled the parchment from her robe and waved it in his face. "You picked a hell of a day to get captured, Ffamran Mid Bunansa."

He looked up in surprise and then realized what the parchment said.

_The thief of this priceless treasure is one Ffamran Mid Bunansa who goes by the pirating name Balthier. Date of birth is the calends of Decem, Old Valendian 683…_

"And today's the calends of Decem, yes? I hope you've enjoyed this present," she remarked calmly, snatching the parchment back.

"What present? You springing me can't be the present!" He rose from the chair and moved to her side, letting his hands stroke her shoulders. "You're already in your nightgown, surely it's not a stretch of the imagination to…"

She slapped his hands away. "Nope. You get to spend the next four hours wishing that you had gotten your real present. Good night, Balthier."

Ashe moved to the door and turned back to see his crestfallen expression. She smiled sweetly. "Happy birthday." He pulled a pillow from the bed to throw it at her, but she'd already closed the door. She left him alone and spent the rest of the flight back in the cockpit.


End file.
